omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
