Me too!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
