I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
