Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
