just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
