yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
