Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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