this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
