she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
