Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
