I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
