the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
