She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
