ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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