I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
