I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
