I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
