I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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