It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
