I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
