there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
