after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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