doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
