nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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