dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
