Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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