she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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