I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
