ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
