obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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