Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
