did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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