dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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