I must be too annoying 4 u.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
