I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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