Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
