Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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