A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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