Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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