apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
