The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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