i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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