How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
