Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
