He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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