Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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