If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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