he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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