Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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