look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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