I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
