Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
