It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
