At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ttyl tear gas
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I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
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Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Those nachos came to me in a dream
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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