i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Soap is not a condiment
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
