Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
