i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
