I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That's intense
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
