I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
