OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
