this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
