He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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