sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
smell my finger.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
