Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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