I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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