so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
