non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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