i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
